Done

One of my daughter, Meryl Fé’s first words and one of the most important lessons her mother Margaret Jane taught her was “done” and, with it, the concept of boundaries.

I remember when it first began. Meryl Fé was about ten months old and beginning to eat solid food. As MJ would feed her and get to the point where Meryl Fé turned her head away from the spoon (rather than gobbling it) MJ would ask “Done?” Then she would approach with the spoon again and, when Meryl Fé turned her head again, MJ would pronounce with great energy “DONE!”

It didn’t take long before Meryl Fé added “DONE!” to her vocabulary – it was one of her first ten words.

I remember an event about six months later which clearly demonstrated that Meryl Fé had learned the lesson well. We were visiting my parents in Pennsylvania and I was putting Meryl Fé to bed one night. My 6’ 2” 200+ pound father was at the foot of the bed making faces and otherwise putting on a show, when all of a sudden, 15-month old Meryl Fé looked up at him and proclaimed “DONE!”

I have never (before or since) witnessed anyone stop my father in his tracks as completely and immediately as Meryl Fé did with that one word and the way she declared it. Pop stopped dead in his tracks, stuttered a “dddone?” said goodnight, and left the room.

I was floored and thrilled as I witnessed this profoundly important recognition and skill deeply embodied by Meryl Fé at such a young age, when most adults I know haven’t come close to mastering this one.

I won’t elaborate here, as the story speaks for itself. But I will add that, I continue to explore the idea of “DONE!” for myself and to support others to do the same, and I encourage you to recognize when you permit people to cross the line with you when you really want to say “DONE!” or “STOP!” or whatever equivalent word is the appropriate message.

Clear boundaries are essential to healthy relationships – with oneself and others.

Yours in Working for Good,

Jeff